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Bog Standard

Restroom comedy has always been the reliable retreat for daily publications, and publications remain attentive of notable bog-related stories and key events, notably connected to soccer. Readers were entertained to learn that Big Website columnist a famous broadcaster owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet within his residence. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom rather too directly, and was rescued from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet at half-time during a 2015 defeat versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and couldn't find his phone and his cap,” stated a Barnsley fire station spokesperson. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame at Manchester City, the Italian striker entered a community college for toilet purposes in 2012. “Balotelli parked his Bentley outside, before entering and requesting where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” a pupil informed the Manchester Evening News. “Later he simply strolled round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century to the day that Kevin Keegan resigned from the England national team following a short conversation in a toilet cubicle with FA director David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, following that infamous 1-0 defeat versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the famous old stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, FA Confidential, he stepped into the wet troubled England locker room right after the game, only to find David Beckham in tears and Tony Adams motivated, both players begging for the official to reason with Keegan. Subsequent to Hamann's direct free-kick, Keegan walked slowly through the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies found him slumped – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – within the changing area's edge, whispering: “I’m off. I’m not for this.” Grabbing Keegan, Davies worked frantically to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” recalled Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The locker room? Packed with upset players. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with an England manager as players dived into the water. Only one option presented itself. The restroom stalls. A dramatic moment in England’s long football history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The impending destruction could almost be smelled in the air. Leading Kevin into a compartment, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I cannot inspire the squad. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Consequences

Consequently, Keegan quit, later admitting that he had found his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The two-time European Footballer of the Year stated: “I struggled to occupy my time. I began working with the visually impaired team, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It’s a very difficult job.” The English game has progressed significantly during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those Wembley restrooms and those twin towers are long gone, while a German now sits in the dugout where Keegan once perched. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This specific commemoration from one of England's worst moments is a reminder that things were not always so comfortable.

Current Reports

Join Luke McLaughlin at 8pm BST for Women's major tournament coverage regarding Arsenal versus Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“We stood there in a lengthy line, in just our underwear. We were Europe’s best referees, premier athletes, inspirations, mature people, mothers and fathers, resilient characters with great integrity … but no one said anything. We scarcely made eye contact, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson shares the degrading procedures referees were previously subjected to by former Uefa head of referees Pierluigi Collina.

Football Daily Letters

“What does a name matter? There’s a poem by Dr Seuss named ‘Too Many Daves’. Have Blackpool suffered from Too Many Steves? Steve Bruce, together with staff Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been shown through the door marked ‘Do One’. Is this the termination of the Steve fascination? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to manage the main squad. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now you have loosened the purse strings and provided some branded items, I've opted to write and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his option to move to Nottingham Forest. Being a longtime Tottenham fan I'll remain thankful for the second-year silverware yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving near the Trent River, if he remains that duration, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|